Into the Void

My iPod is convinced that life is weird.

Sat, 13 May 2006 09:03:53 GMT

Stole this from Aaron's LiveJournal.
You take you iPod or what have you, and put it on random. Its creepy. Apparently my life is that of a drug out Seattlite who is completely Bipolar and likes to kill people for fun. I mean seriously...that's what it looks like.
Opening credits – Sun, Live (Amazing).

Waking up – Killing Fields -Funker Vogt (okkkkkkaaayyy).

Average day – "Sex Never Goes out of Style" - Garbage (This made me laugh)

First date – El Tango De Roxanne - Moulin Rouge.

Falling in love – The Thing I Hate - Stabbing Westward.

Fight scene – Carmina Burana - Carl Orff.

Breaking up - What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stephani. (Dear god..)

Getting back together – Can Can Can -Moulin Rouge. (Wtf? Maybe if I were on acid at a club and ran into an ex and didn't remember it the next day).

Secret love – When the World Ends - Dave Matthew's Band (*dies*)

Mental breakdown – The KKK Took My Baby Away - Marylin Manson (HAHA, I KILL PEOPLE!!!)

Driving – Augen Auf - Oomph. (Awesome).

Learning a lesson – Mein Teil - Rammstein (What? That letting people live is wrong?)

Deep thought – Home - Dream Theater (Interesting).

Flashback – Black Tongue - Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

Partying - Wait and Bleed - Slipknot (I am a very angry person).

Happy dance – Sonic Boom - Venus Hum (Again with the acid trip.)

Regretting – We Are the Lucky Ones- Bif Naked (Wow).

Long night alone – I'm Dying - Vast. (Seriously...my Shuffle is just creepy).

Death scene - Where Fishes Go - Live (This death scene would be slow, but meaningful, and one of complete embrace).

Closing credits – Hombre - M.I.A

I'm going to kill my fucking computer.

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 23:25:05 GMT

My computer is slowing killing itself because it hates me. I could call dell, but I have a life. And the last time I asked for help, they did more damage then good.

My computer will no longer play Daily Show clips off of the internet. That was my life and they ripped it away from me.

I'm now really pissed off. I've tried everything, downloaded everything. And nothing is working.

I'm really really pissed off now. For a laundry list of reasons, as usual. Its all being focused on my computer right now. And I am about to throw it against a wall....but like I said, it wants to die...thats how its getting to me.

It had to happen

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 01:02:29 GMT

Its sad that I know live through the events of other people instead of my own. I need to move somewhere else....now.

I just deactivated my Facebook account. Why? Because once you have the epiphany that it is just so damn pointless, you really can't go back to using it.
Plus i haven't looked at it in months.

And people, I beg of you, don't marry the first person you meet in college. Its a great big world out there. It doesn't make any sense to just give up now. So stop it. Then I'll be able to go on more dates than just those pointless first dates with people I really should not have considered in the first place.

Anyway. Life is making me ill. Officially.

Weird Shit

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 05:30:15 GMT

I think my class on Psychtherapy may be doing more damage then good.

We talk about how psychologists approach the field and our professor tells us some really depressing stories about her clients.

Then we get into groups and discuss our problems so that our classmates can get practice various tools in therapy.

The problem is that I end up saying things that are wrong with me (these are, of course, rather minor things; like my compulsive personality). This really leaves me in a rather vulnerable position in front of a group of strangers, who are not professional psychotherapists. This goes on for three hours. For example, we were discussing behavioral change. I mentioned my compulsive behavior to my professor and the group. My professor, in order to demonstrate how paraphrasing and open ended questioning works to incite change, began to ask me a load of questions on how it made me feel, what my mental process was like, how I felt afterward, how I handled unpleasant feelings like sadness and anger. And I answered them all honestly. It felt me feeling incredibly depressed.

Now I have to mention here that I do not blame the prof for this. I was answering because I wanted to, not because I felt that I had to. And the prof made it clear that we discuss things we felt comfortable with, and nothing beyond with.

I guess it just made me feel like I had no control over my behavior and that I have really terrible ways of dealing with my feelings.

Also, because this was an example of therapy and not actual therapy, there was no.....conclusion. It was like I had just opened up this really painful wound in my psyche and left with it still open.

There was actually a point later in class, after I stopped crying, in which I felt like crying. Really truly felt like crying. It was the most intense emotion I've ever felt without having something horrible happen. I think it was basically every horrible feeling I've ever suppressed bubbling up. It is the most unpleasant experience I have ever had. It took me every ounce of my strength of my strength not to leave. Thats how horrible I felt: "Oh my god, I need to leave NOW or I will fall apart." I had to sit there silently for about ten minutes shoving that feeling back down into the pits of my soul again.

I ended up talking online with Jess, feeling this intense hatred bubble up for the most ridiculous things and I had to stop myself.

Anyway....

On a lighter note, my Sexuality class has the token idiotic girls in it. They have been discovered and now I hate them. Its fun.

They were arguing the Pro side of circumcision (I know the spelling is fucked up) and made the most ridiculous statements like:

"Women who prefer circumcised penises are more likely to experience an orgasm" Well no shit sweetheart.

"Circumsised men are less likely to masturbate, more likely to express heterosexual tendencies, and less likely to engage in anal and oral sex." First of all, what? And let me follow that up with....what the fuck are you talking about?
I didn't even know where to begin with that statement. First of all, where are you getting this? Second of all, how DARE you use those as POSITIVE examples of circumcision, who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?

It was one long lecture with statements like that. And I honestly tried to learn something from their speech, but it was just TERRIBLE.

Okay, I'll leave you with my newest posts on dA. I love them.

Amusing: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28131696/
Jess and I are funny when depressed: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28468694/
Real Art: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28395133/

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 22:16:50 GMT

Just updated my deviantart account. Figured out how to advertise it on my blog. Good times.

Schools going amazingly well.

First day of Human Sexuality, we have to think of as many words as we can think of that mean penis, vagina, anal sex, etc.

It was fun. Especially when people think I'm a lesbian, really helps my romantic life. But it is entertaining.

Girl: What does cunnilingus mean?
Shoshana: Oral Sex on a woman. Dani and I have alot of experience in that area.
(Pause)
Shoshana: Oh! No! We went to a sex workshop. On cunnilingus.....thats how we know.

Damnit. Give me my Porn

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 06:01:08 GMT

What's the deal with Facebook? I don't get the big......craze over it. Maybe I just lack that gene that is required to obsessively "friend" or "poke" people and see if they do it back.....or to check the site six times a day because LORD KNOWS SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE CHANGED THEIR PAGE AND YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW DON'T YOU? Narcissism. That's what it is.

I'm just in a foul mood right now because I want to join a porn site for free (good) photos and that site won't send me a fucking confirmation email. It's modern technology people and you can't send me an email? Or just let me join on good faith? I'm 18. I've said I am...doesn't that hold ME legally responsible if I'm not? I'm pretty sure that's how it works.

I just wanted some porn........

Dani.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 08:42:20 GMT

Your 2005 Song Is

Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

"Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me."

In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

I love life. If it weren't so fucked up.

Fun times in happyland.

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 09:31:50 GMT

Christmas List.
I'm only getting two things from my parents for XMas. Sad. But awesome because the two things are quite good. An external harddrive, and a very amazing coat.

The List

1. Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong : The Disinformation Guide to the Extremes of Human Sexuality
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932857176/103-2295360-9608664?v=glance&n=283155&n=507846&s=books&v=glance
2. SuicideGirls (Hardcover)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932595031/qid=1133341676/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-2295360-9608664?s=books&v=glance&n=283155
3. Wonderfalls - The Complete Series (2004)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0006GAO18/ref=pd_bbs_null_1/103-2295360-9608664?s=books&v=glance&n=283155
4. Dirty FOUND, #1 or #2
http://www.foundmagazine.com/index.php?fuseaction=magazines.home
5. Daily Show: Indecision 200
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009CTV5E/qid=1133342791/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-2295360-9608664?n=507846&s=dvd&v=glance

Anyway, those are somethings.....

"Its New York. Being pretty is a prerequisite."

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 05:49:44 GMT

Newest Work on dA

So I have decided to add to my journal again. Its sad when I go on her and find nothing but depressing entries.

Anyway. Been pondering things.
You ever know someone for a long time and just suddenly see them. Just happened to me today. Its really weird to see someone in a different light, for no other reason then just a simple change in perspective. I'm not explaining this right; its kind of seeing them as more than just a friend. Weird.

I'm sitting in my room now. About to study for my last test in Stats. Should be interesting. I missed all my classes today. Too tired to do anything else.

hmm

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 08:49:44 GMT

Okay, Dani can't sleep.
So what does that mean?
Another depressing, pointless journal entry that only confirms the belief that I have no life.

This semester is almost up. And as I lie here I think, dear god, i'm going to go another year without having a boyfriend. That will make two years in college. Then I think, shit, what if this becomes three? Or four?
What makes it worse is that all my close friends seem to be able to make that jump from single to 'with someone' (even if it is for a night) in under a month. And boom, they're are back in the swing of things.
I'm off the swing. Hell, I'm not even on the swing-set. I'm one of those sad overweight children sitting alone on the seesaw eating a melting ice cream cone thats already fallen in the sand.

So now I have come to realize...its me. It is all my fault that I am alone. And will remain alone. There are more things wrong with me than I can begin to count.
Phsyically. Psychologically.
What the fuck am I doing that causes this? It must be something.
I've gotten over the fact that I am not attractive. But jesus, there must be more to it then simple looks.
And shut up to anyone who says otherwise. When you're lonely, no amount of 'Dani, you are not ugly' or 'Dani, you'll find yourself someone' is going to help. That the point of loneliness and depression. No reasonable thought enters into it.
So there it is. And once again, i feel worse.....

Dani.

Batman Begins Mother Fuckers

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 18:30:08 GMT

Greatest film I have ever seen ever in the history of all that is good...

Oh, how the nerd-gasms flowed. It was amazing. If you don't know what I am talking about, I just saw Batman Begins.....and it was glorious.

The only thing that bothered me at the time was that the begining moves incredibly fast, to the point that it feels like a commercial for the film that follows. But I understand why they choose to move so quickly. We know the story of the childhood of Bruce Wayne; the moment we see the Opera house, we know what is going to happen. The begining shows us only what we need to see and doesn't try to create any pointless repetitive melodrama in their deaths. It serves merely as a reminder, one we need to see played out before us.

Without going into too much detail of the plot, I would just like to say that every part for this film was done incredibly well. Katie Holmes was used enough so that her point was served and I didn't roll my eyes whenever she appeared. Here she does not play the love interest, despite what I was led to believe. She loves the Bruce Wayne that died in the grief and anger that followed his parents' death. The movie, thank god, does not play up the cliche in superhero films; "Oh god, I love Bruce, but I am attracted to Batman, how can I love both and exist in such overused plot lines?"

The special effects were well used and didn't take over the film. The CG was subtle and, honestly, I really can't remember when any was used (and I know it was).

The Villians were amazing and the things they did to threaten the citizens of Gotham were believable, similar to the villians in the Tim Burton films: fantastical, but realistic. Oh my god, nerd-gasm over Scarecrow.

Also, nerdgasm over the ending. Although I don't know how I feel about the sequel they are setting up for. It threatens to remake the Tim Burton Batman movies, which could be good.....if done well. It could also be interpreted as not a sequel (As Aaron pointed out), but a tie in to the first two Batman films that follow chronologically.

Overall. Greatest movie ever.

Anyway...

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 18:12:42 GMT

So I was sitting in TGen (the internship I'm doing now) and I realized that I, once again. have not updated my live journal account. Well, to start with, I just got my job at Anthropologie and I'm enjoying so far. The hours are insanely long, but what can you do? So now I shall juggle work at Anthro and internships. Well, not plural with the intership, there's only one. Got my grades back too. Four As and One B. Not bad for freshman year.

Things I need to do:

Reorder my Comic Con ticket (I lost mine)
File my I-9 for Anthro.
Write thankyou cards for my birthday
Read the Guide to Getting it On (Amazing book, I adore it)
Start drawing for Scott
Draw T-Shirt Design for BGLAD (Really, truly must do that)

WTF?

Sun, 29 May 2005 04:14:18 GMT

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.
Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.
It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.
You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

UPDATE FOR NOW!!!!

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 22:25:54 GMT

While sitting here with a towel around my head, just out of the shower, I discover that I have time to update my livejournal. I've been more stressed out in my entire live for the past two weeks. And now I discover that the worst is not over. Papers, papers, and more papers due all at the same time. Its fun. Not to mention previous engagments (sp? fuckit) i have made and still need to kill...kill? I meant keep...Freudian slip there. Bio is threatening to give me a C. And I'm worried. If I don't do well on the Lab Write Up, I just may get my first C. This is bad.
No time to write....or *gasp* draw.
Makes me sad

Anyway, Schedual for next year.

GERM101B ELEM GERMAN _M_W_F_ 1100-1150 __T____ 1100-1150 HOOPER, KENT
HIST315A EUR FASCISM__T_T__ 1400-1520 TARANOVSKI, THEODORE
HON 206A CLASSICAL ART__T_T__ 0930-1050 KOTSIS, KRISZTA
PSYC201B EXP APPLD STATS__T_T__ 1230-1350 HALE, CATHERINE
PSYC201BA APPLD STATS LAB_M_____ 1500-1750 HALE, CATHERINE

german? Yes, I think so. And European Fascism. Woohoo. Its going to be a ride. :D

We are all going to Hell...

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 07:14:40 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Finally...

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 01:40:27 GMT

Just finished my paper for history. God was it brutal. Really unpleasant. Now I get to move on to my paper for Fiction writing. That should be a little more informal. I've been listening to the new Rammstien cd, while it is a liitle less industrial then I would like, their song "Mein Teil" is one of my new favorites. Its based off of the story of the German who met a man over the internet and then ate him. Disturbing and good...all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that I'm currently watching a documentary on the Occult History of the Nazi Party....its German overdose...but I adore german...so it's all good.

BGLAD Goodness

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 06:08:36 GMT

Just finished homework for Bio and English.
Today was the first meeting of the semester for BGLAD. I'm very happy, we actually have many new members, many more males, which is good; we kinda lacked males (though we had a few) last semester. I just need to keep Buffy obsessions to myself until they've been to a few meetings. Then they won't be frightened.
The lab was brutal; three hours of focusing and refocusing a microscope gave me a headache and made me feel sick to my stomach, not to mention an unpleasant headache.

Fiction Writing

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 05:33:40 GMT

So far, i love my fiction writing class, despite the fact that i have to work my ass off. Though already, i've created a new character, and I'm avoiding uses my usual characteristics; scrawny, quiet, supernatural, etc. Now, i'm trying as hard as I can not to included anything of the sort. And fuck, is it hard.
Anyway, I thought briefly about posting an update of my lovelife on every journal entry, just for the records...then i stop taking drugs and realized that a daily reminder of how much sex i'm not getting would be more depressing than fuck...
Wrong word choice...

New Layouts and Shit

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 07:29:30 GMT

My page now has a new layout. Yey. Now i am joyously happy.
This semester, my classes have an absurd amount of reading required. Makes me want to cry. Really
I need to draw a little more, though i really don't feel like it. I'll have to wait until i'm in the mood.
Today I just finished a fiction practice thingy where you had to create a character off of someone you know. I picked Hilary because she was sitting in the room.
I dyed my hair today, again. Its a black color. I tried adding red streaks...didn't really work.
Must sleep now

Ooo, updating again

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 06:29:10 GMT

Another semester started. I'm a little more excited for this one. I am thoroughly looking forward to two so far, Fiction Writing and Abnornmal Psych. Not to mention the fact that my Bio Teacher looks like he should be employed to some sort of Tech company (overweight, old T-shirts, jeans, etc). Looks like this Spring is going to be entertaining in the least. I've been getting headaches alot, more than usual, and they are not fun. I'm avoiding pain killers...I think they may be apart of a greater future problem. I'm enjoying the company of friends. This new year, I've taken it upon myself to make new friends who I feel I can connect more with...translation? More males. I need guy friends. Last semester I felt as though I lacked close friends. So now, I must become more social. Not to mention my plan to lose my virginity by the end of the semester...likelyhood of that actually happening? Slim to none. Thinking about it all makes me depressed. I need...well not a boyfriend...I'll settle with something a little less personal. I don't need a deep-soulful connection right now...I doubt I ever will...I don't know.

Damn, I need to update more often.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 19:30:51 GMT

Christmas break has been excellent. Aaron, Jess, and I had a excellent night with Vodka and a camera. I now have a slew of references for my drawings. Plus...in a few...I actually look relatively attractive...which is new to me.
I've been going crazy with drawings...most of them suck.

I also just saw two amazing films...Closer was fantastic. I was amazed by the acting in this film and the dialogue was...well...I've never watched a more sexual film without a single sex scene.

Scottland, Pa was also great. Its a 1970's retelling of MacBeth. Most of the actors in this film are relatively well known, but play their parts with more believablity than a majority of today's actors.

New Years Resolutions:
-Update the LJ
-Start using the Scrap Section of Deviantart.

Thanksgiving

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 01:55:52 GMT

OKay, just got back from Arizona, and I remember why I left. I love and miss my friends, but not the state. Damn weather....
Jess gave me a pimp fur coat and it was more brillant than God.
Aaron, Jess, Sean, Justin, and I went out to a restuarant. And out to the Cheesecake Factory. It was wonderful.
My parents nearly cried again when i left. It was really awkward.

....and the Cabaret soundtrack is genius. I love it. Since Aaron gave me a cd of it, I haven't stopped listening. I would marry Alan Cumming.....
if he wasn't.....well....at least cheating would be good.

On the way back, the CapAir company over booked their shuttle to UPS so we got to take a limo.
Sam just turned to me and said, "Its the fur coat, its all about the pimp coat."
I'm just depressed because its all about the finals now.

Bogged Down

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 00:02:26 GMT

I'm going to be registering for classes tomarrow. And so far the one classI wanted more than anything is full. I suppose I'll have to wait-list it. Though I did get offered to take a Fiction Writing course by one of my professors. She opened up a special spot, makes me fell....well...special. Plus my unity of life class is almost full. And I need that class for my major. I need to declare my major soon....
I just spent $40 dollars at the clinic for my damn foot, which has been causing me serious pain for a while. I now have more painkillers, on top of the left over Vicadon i am storing for the winter.
And now I hobble about like a cripple. People laugh...and point....and throw things at me.

I've been listening to VAST like crazy. Excellent band.
I think I need to draw some more.

To the Republicans

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 07:59:43 GMT

Copy and Pasted from my DA journal:
Yes, as liberal as I am, I do have a few Republican friends.

And recently, all I have been hearing is about Liberals who frankly need restraining orders for the amount of hostility they show. So I feel that some explaining needs to be done.
For all the most recent attacks on Republicans (those who are not redneck fuckwits who need to die, sorry ignore the passive aggressive hostility), I think I just need to say after Election Day, we Democrats/Liberals are incredibly pissed off.

And really, we have a right to be. Besides the whole Bush victory, I personally am deeply pissed off about the 11 states that recently banned gay marriage. One of the states being Oregon. I personally know a gay couple who have been together for quite awhile, went through the process of marrying (changing name, page work etc.) only to be told that they are not worthy of it. When I heard that their marriage was offically null and void, I nearly cried.
But there are other things of course. To have a someone in office who doesn't share your views is one thing, to have both House and Senate largely controlled by them is just a little too much. Personally, I was hoping, god even praying, for a balance. It didn't happen.
So I am worried about this conservative backlash and how the Democrats are too much.......to be frank....of a bunch of pussies to do anything about anything. They may voice mild objections but thats about it.
So please, forgive any recent liberal crap, we, as a people, are generally upset.

I know that many will say, that this has gone on looonnngg before the Nov. 2. Well, the previous paragraph can be used here (we are not happy about the state of affairs in America right now, nor the state of the world).
But some people are just....well....fucking morons. They have no arguement, just passion and REFUSE to listen to anything from the other side. Its both Democrats and Republicans, we've all had to deal with them.
If you meet someone who basically doesn't want to argue, but spout their own political agenda, just realize that this person isn't worth your time if they cannot listen to what you have to say (and please, tell them that.)

I can tell the Republicans out there, I am interested in your opinion, if you actually know anything about the topic. But fighting with you over anything that has to do with Religion, Abortion, etc isn't really worth my time. I can't change your views and you can't change mine. I just think that decent arguements can help to strengthen your opinions. Once you actually discuss a topic with someone you can say, 'hey, i never thought of that arguement before. Because I can't think of a counter arguement, I now know that I need to research that." And hence, you're backings to your opinions are strengthen.
And please, don't use the same argument for every fucking thing, (i.e 'Bush is an idiot' 'God says sodomy is wrong') because how the hell can I argue with that? I can't because its your own deep rooted beliefs. I just feel the need to ask
'why' to those two questions.
In conclusion, please liberals, if you are going to argue with a conservative, don't resort to petty arguements, or declare a gang war on a single person. It's not fair and it's pointless.

By the way, I wrote this at 11:46. Sorry for any spell shit, for I am too tired to read this.

Bored Now

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 18:40:31 GMT

It sucks when your friends are on a totally different schedual from your own. Megan has dance practice 24/7, Sam is just busy, and Hilary's boyfriend is here. So I am left out. Actually, I'm going to watch Lost Boys with Hilary and Jason tonight, but I'm giving them privacy since she hasn't seen him in months.
Its a refereshing change. They obviously love each other but I don't get to hear all the gory details of their sexlife when I never asked and never appeared interested in the first place.
Mostly because both of them believe strongly in saving sex until marriage, for spiritual reasons. Which I respect. Good for them if their relationship can last on a truly emotional basis. Not that I think sex is terrible (Neither does Hilary) I just think that there should at least be a balance. Once you can't live your life without fucking the person everynight, it gets bad.
In technical terms, we can call that a 'fucking problem' (no pun intended, really). When no sex is seriously interfering with your life, thats called addiction, people.
A few of my friends can read between the lines here.
Anyway, Hilary's relationship is one of those rare ones that come along and doesn't make me want to vomit. Don't worry jess, yours is one of those too. Not that you need me to tell you that.
So thats that.
By the way, to all serious Buffy fans, see if you recognize the reference in the title. I'll give you a hint: Wishverse.